Oh, the things you find when you’re cleaning out the basement. I found this, typed up on my old IBM Selectric typewriter, circa 1986 I’d say, back in the day when people still wrote letters, folded them neatly into envelopes, addressed them neatly, affixed stamps, and left them for the mail carrier to start the journey from wherever to wherever.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY: SELECTIONS FROM LETTERS RECEIVED
1. Sorry for not writing, but there’s not a hell of a lot happening.
2. Howdy–sorry my reply has been delayed, no excuse I realize.
3. I’m certain you wondered what the delay was & why I hadn’t written.
4. Sorry its taken me a while to write, I’ve been incredibly busy.
5. Sorry to be late with this, but you probably weren’t expecting a response anyway.
6. BEFORE YOU BLOW YOUR TOP AT ME FOR NOT WRITING YOU BACK, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM A LOWLY COLLEGE STUDENT STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE IN A JUNGLE OF TERM PAPERS AND MIDTERMS ONLY TO HAVE LIFE FURTHER COMPLICATED BY HAVING TO ANSWER LETTERS.
7. If I can fill more than a page it’ll be a miracle.
8. Are you obsessed, crazed, feared, compulsed or otherwise nuts?
9. (In other words, I’m finally capable of holding a pen again)
10. I miss you, you screwball!
11. My nights are filled with TV and food.
12. This place is like a prison.
13. I’M TURNING INTO A SLOB.
14. I’m constantly stunned.
15. My lunch is on my shirt.
16. Well, for once I feel really motivated.
17. everytime she hits me (she has a funny way of expressing her feelings) I get an erection.
18. Just being my nasty self.
19. Lack of effort was never one of my problems.
20. These days I can’t find the energy to get out of this situation and its looking worse every day.
21. I’m still riding the wave—and “praying” that some resolution will occur.
22. I’ve never seen a more beautiful body and I’ve seen a lot of naked women.
23. Feeling a real need to reestablish priorities and head down a simpler, more “eternally-rewarding” path.
24. America is beautiful. Give or take a few states.
25. It’s a grey evening outside and the trees and buildings are shrouded in a dim mist.
26. I drank vodka, beer, punch, and Almaden. I got dragged & carried home by two close friends.
27. The technology rips across the sky–AWAC planes, loud and fast–or the long, quiet nuclear subs that glide by far out towards the horizon.
28. There’s a bug flying around my pen, competing for attention–It’s so tiny–and yet so demanding–time passes–the train arrives & I must journey onward.
29. The truck stops are real fun and the bottomless cup of coffee is still going strong. I thought I died and went to cafeine heaven.
30. A birthday gift is on the way–The post was closed when I dropped this off, so I’ll have to wait until Monday to get this gift to you–
31. I find that I am loving to derive my satisfactions and inspirations from the commonest events, every-day happenings–and so moments with friends, the work I choose to do, the activities I engage in–all seem to inspire me–and each moment that surrounds me is my ‘far away heaven’–here–in the present moment.
32. I’ll relieve your mind, you’re not the father, okay?
33. ARE YOU MARRIED YET? ME NEITHER. OH WELL.
34. So when are you getting married.
35. By the way, I amputated most of my hair.
36. Back to mundane reality for awhile. I got a PHONE today! Actually, I’m very excited about it. I feel almost human.
37. Dan keeps playing around with the heat and we alternately freeze and cook.
38. (My thoughts tend to skip around faster than my ability to make paragraphs).
39. I trust you used your “vacation” wisely and managed to stop down for a visit to your “sweetie” and solidify a loving & growing relationship.
40. There’s nothing I could do to get fired. You’re proof of that. After all I am an institution.
41. We honestly can’t stand each other.
42. I told Stuart about your smashing success and his eyebrows stayed in the air for quite some time.
43. From Poland? Is she serene and tortured like Sophie in Sophie’s Choice?
44. But seriously, I think it’s very noble of you, stupid but noble.
45. Has it warmed up yet on the East coast?
46. Well I’m going off to my lonely bed now
48. See you someday
49. Enjoy, Namaste,
50. So much love,
51. Take it easy,
52. With love & thanks—
53. All my love,
54. Peace, love, and Woodstock,
55. So much loving for you—
57. See you soon,
58. Much love—
[Cross-posted from Tucker Seven]